Monday 23 September 2013

about yours truly

Hey there, sorry for the "late" post, this week will be complicated at work so I won't be updating that often. Besides, most of my story is already told, now I'll update as new stuff unfolds. I had promised to do a post about me, so... here goes nothing.

Let's see... despite being 30, I feel like I'm still in my mid twenties, since I've got no kids or major responsibilities other than keeping my job. I spend my free time surfing the Web, watching movies, reading or writing. I particularly like horror stories and that's also what I like to write. I go out with my friends every other weekend, but during the week it's mostly work and my family: Josh, our french bulldog, and occasional visits to my parents'. I hate sports, but I still work out as much as possible and sometimes I go with Josh to the gym.

English isn't my first language, but I try to write as best as I can and sometimes use risky words that I'm not really used to, hope I don't make a fool of myself too often.

I'm a very spiritual person, but not religious. I don't believe you need anyone between youself and the God you choose to worship. I accept all religions equally - I find them all the same bullshit, a means of controlling the masses or starting wars, no offence... I respect all religious people as long as they don't try to sell it to me.

I'm also quite interested in politics and I think I'd be considered a "democrat" in the USA, not a republican. I believe in personal freedom and the power to lead the life you choose, whatever it may be, if it doesn't hurt anyone around you. I support gay marriage, the adoption of children by capable gay couples, and I am also pro-choice. I'm against the liberty to sell guns to whomever wants them (thank god that's not allowed in my country) and against the death penalty, in any circumstance. I believe the war on Iraq was a scam, there were no weapons of mass destruction there, and no connection to 9/11. I am unsure about the origin of 9/11 (but I mostly believe it was really Al Qaeda).

Now.. regarding my past and why I put up with what many of you consider "too much" from my boyfriend. I am a bit insecure, yes, I have some self esteem issues and a history of self-harm when things go a little out of control. I never thought of killing myself though, I wouldn't do that to my mother. My father died when I was 9 years old in a car crash and I wouldn't put het through that kind of suffering ever again. My mom remarried when I was 10 and I was raised by a loving step father, who, I'm saddened to say, I love more than my real dad. My real father was a workaholic, a very cold man, I never felt like he really loved me (my mom later said he wanted a boy) and I tried really hard to be perfect during my childhood. Besides, he could be violent - although he never hit my mom (that I've seen or became aware of), he broke things around the house frequently and hit me a couple of times (not beatings, just a hard smack in the face sometimes).

I've always been a good student and seen as "a little angel" by the adults around me. After smoking pot when I was 15 (and the subsequent panick attacks that forced me to my first visits to therapy), I went back to being their "angel" for several years. I never did drugs or alcohol ever again, because I don't like loosing control of my mind. I don't even smoke cigarrettes now and I seldom drink coffee.

Only at 24 I went "wild" again and decided to tattoo my whole back (and later on, several parts of my body). My parents hated it and it was difficult for me to deal with that. I guess I continue trying to be perfect in their eyes, even if that means doing things that displease me, or not doing what I really want. My therapist says I'm a "pleaser", I need the people I love to approve me and am more than happy to change and adapt for them to appreciate me. This only happens with my parents and boyfriend (sometimes at work, but I think it's necessary) not so much with friends or people in general.

Finally, also related to this, I have difficulty dealing with any kind of personal loss in my life, however small. For instance, last year I had a couple of fights with two friends that lead to the end of those friendships. Even though they were people with whom I didn't have much in common (life kind of lead us different ways), I felt like those were major losses in my life and couldn't accept it for some time. Then I realized I was just clinging to something insignificant, that for some reason I didn't want to lose, and finally moved on. I guess that's why even in the darkest times I insisted on keeping my relationship with Josh.

My friends consider me a very "maternal" and tolerant person. I'm usually quiet but speak my mind when some interesting discussion is going on. I don't like to stand out in a croud, but I also like to be heard and make my point in an argument. Going crazy like attacking someone or breaking things only happened with Josh so far!

And.. that's basically it. Anything else you'd like to know? :)

xoxo
Andrea

12 comments:

  1. what r the tatts of? dragons,unicorns,etc. plz dont have any chinese signs or neck tatts. and religion is what u make of it. not all about war and such. for example how many soup kitchens,shelters,etc r made up of atheist or " spiritual organizations". also, 4 some1 that english is a 2nd language .u write better than most americans myself included. lmao. also, no weed .WTF. THAT IS CRAZY.so i am checking amsterdam off my list of cities were u r.spain or greece is the 2 i like. well l8r football is on the RAIDERS NATION. tc

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    1. The tattoos are of fantasy/realistic things, no chinese signs, no unicorns, no dragons, and no neck tattoos (I don't want to lose my job) :)

      You're right about the soup kitchen thing, I guess that's one positive aspect of religion.

      And yeah you can scratch Amsterdam off your list, I've been there on vacations (no weed!) but no, I don't live there.

      Raiders Nation.. (had to google it) never heard of it, we play soccer here hehehe

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    2. realistic things? example? why go to amsterdam ,if not to smoke weed? lmao.u dig windmills and tulips.or red light district? lol. just joking.i am lucky. i am in colorado .FREE THE WEED. but sad day 2day raiders lost. hagd

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  2. http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/189/thats-what-she-said/frustrated-poker-players-gf-1361303/

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    1. Wow, scary story Tony :| Poor girl. I can't comment on that thread, but I would like to tell her to read the book "Women Who Love Too Much", by Robin Norwood. It's a good start for women who can't bring themselves to end a relationship but want something to change.

      She clearly needs to STOP helping him... and start working on herself. If he chooses to leave her, then Godspeed.

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    2. Andrea:

      What significant differences do you see between her situation and yours?

      s.i.

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    3. Sorry I missed this comment.

      The main difference is I don't borrow money to Josh on a weekly basis for him to play Poker. He has the 5K I borrowed him (and he signed a legal contract stating he must pay me when he receives his inheritance) and has to manage that money on his own, I will not borrow another dime for him to play. So I guess things aren't as out of control as with that girl, she's lending the guy money randomly and doesn't pay the bills to do so. I don't have any delayed bills and will not let the situation escalate that way.

      I also never borrowed (and would never) from my family for Josh to be able to play.

      Josh doesn't smoke weed and in general seems to be a more responsible player than the girl's boyfriend.

      Other than that, I mean.. the way she feels used and how he manipulates her into believing she has to sacrifice for him, it's the same.

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  3. You do write very good for English being your 2nd language. I'm a pleaser as well. Oh how my parents have pull on my life decisions. It's good sometimes, but I sometimes wonder if I had taken some risks how things would have turned out. Would I own multiple businesses by now?

    Do we get a prize for guessing where you are from? My 1st guess would be that your country boarders the Black Sea.

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  4. No prize, I rather keep my location private! But no, nothing to do with the Black Sea :)

    I guess it's ok to be a pleaser as long as you don't give up what you want. Eventually it becomes impossible to please everyone... you have to choose to be happy and put yourself first.

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  5. this explains it all:

    "[my father was a] very cold man, I never felt like he really loved me (my mom later said he wanted a boy) and I tried really hard to be perfect during my childhood."

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    1. Hm yes, it does in a way. According to my therapist, I'm a co-dependent, that's why it's so hard for me to leave Josh.

      More on codependency here: http://www.dummies.com/how-to/content/codependency-for-dummies-cheat-sheet.html

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